Friday, June 9, 2017

The Remorseless Eyes of Derek Murphy: Marathon Investigator

There's one person in the sport of running who absolutely terrifies me: the Marathon Investigator Derek Murphy. Listen and understand. That investigator is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop ever, until your shit has been put on blast. All you can do is not cheat and pray you never come before his purview. Because it is vast and merciless and the internet never forgets.

Who is he? A mild-mannered data analyst by day but a racing vigilante by night. Murphy has devised some algorithm or something that combs race results looking for funky splits or statistically unlikely finishes. The outliers then face the full force of investigation and it is merciless. In one of his most infamous scalps Murphy purchased full resolution race photos of running blogger Jane Seo in order to zoom in on the time on her Garmin. He'll comb through thousands of mid-race photos looking for the split skipper. This is his hobby, shining the bright light of digital investigation upon the silverfish and cockroaches of the running world.


There are clear cut cases where Murphy has done unequivocal good. He's exposed charity scamming self-promoters and elite level runners stealing results they didn't earn. By revealing cheaters to the race authorities he's ensured that competitive qualifiers can get the spot they deserve. And I'd be lying if I said that the sheer schadenfreude of some of these tales weren't downright addictive. The man is a compelling blogger.

...but his eyes, dimmed a little by many paintless days, under sun and rain, brood on over the solemn dumping ground

But then there are the poor unfortunate bastards whose transgressions are minor and the blast of exposure a lifelong debilitating condition.

Some of the individuals Murphy has highlighted on his blog are guilty of nothing more egregious than grabbing an extra medal for their wife or being obviously mentally ill and trying to convince their (handful) of Facebook followers that they actually competed in Boston. These people are relentlessly put on blast and their lives, if not destroyed, will always be affected by the exposure. Sometimes Murphy backs down (rather defensively) when confronted with the sheer disparity between the sin of buying a medal on eBay versus the punishment of international exposure on a viral running blog but those are the exceptions not the rule. He might bow to pressure and blur your pics or your full name but it'll be too little to late.

So what can a runner do when faced with the force of Murphy? Well, most obviously, keep it right and tight. Not cheating will go a very long way towards ensuring you'll never come across him. I am terrified when there's a mid-race timing mat because what if my bib doesn't register? Will Murphy destroy me? I doubt it, I'm not cheating and my results are statistically in line with my training. It would require substantial training and effort for me to ever qualify for Boston and if I ever do get to compete in it, it will almost assuredly be with a charity bib. I'm not an elite, just an amateur but I race wearing a watch with cadence detection to back up my (exceedingly modest) receipts. Despite these precautions, and a clean conscience, I still can sense the power and the reach of this dark shadow over the racing world.

His is a lidless eye wreathed in flames.

The cruelty of some of his exposures, the disparity of his overwhelming force, these might serve to make Murphy a villain to some. And I'll agree, some of the people who he's exposed have made such minor sins that being hit with the firehose of opprobrium by Murphy is cruel and absurd. But he's done a lot of good as well. Many people have gotten to run the Boston Marathon they earned because cheating qualifiers were removed. Charity scammers have been exposed, bib mules and swappers have been removed. A chilling effect on cheaters has undeniably occurred.


He's not the hero the running world deserves but he is the one it needs right now. So we'll hate and fear him. Because he's not our hero. He's a posting guardian, a blogging protector. A Derek knight.

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